Ah…. the F word.  

You want to say it when you find out you didn’t get that job.  You probably will say it.  You really can’t help yourself.  Recruiters and Hiring Managers get why you say it, but they don’t like it.  It’s a bad word and nothing they want to hear from you when cutting you loose from the hiring process.  It’s the mother of all post-interview conversations.

You know what we’re talking about.  Yes that F word.  Feedback.  

As in “how come I didn’t get the job?” feedback.  Or “what could I have done better?” feedback.  Or “is there something I said during the interview that cost me moving to the next step?” feedback.  (Especially when the interview seemed to go so well!)

So why is it like a bomb was dropped when you ask for feedback?  Here is the honest-to-gosh truth as to why Employers can’t (or won’t) give you much more than the cursory info that it didn’t work out for you:

1. They are terrified that something they say to you can be construed as discriminatory.
2. They do not want to get trapped into a long, drawn out conversation of reassurances, rebuttals, or other ways you (the candidate) might try to explain why the feedback is incorrect.
3. For reasons 1 and 2 it’s just easier to give you a generic statement that you aren’t moving forward (or just ghost you instead).

So if you are going to try to understand what happened don’t just drop the F word on them.  As mentioned that is not going to get you anywhere.  

You have to employ another F word.  Like letting the Employer save Face by asking about the Future or finding out any info you can from your Friend in the company about what might have happened.  (Also, don’t get angry and tell the company where to get off – that’s definitely not going to help you.)

Instead see what their reaction is when you tell them that you understand it didn’t work out with this job, but you think the company is terrific and you would be interested in another opportunity down the line.  Are they encouraging?  Talk about roles that could be a better fit?  Do they seem sincere?  Or do they downplay any future hiring opportunities?  Listen to what they say and how they say it.  That should give you good insight whether you are just not a fit for this role or just not a fit - period.

And this is also where having a friend (or a friend of a friend of a friend) is invaluable.  A lot of focus is put on finding contacts to help open doors for you to get interviewed, but what's just as helpful is to find out from that same contact about why that door closed.  Nothing can beat that kind of information.

Oh Feedback.  It’s hard to know why it’s so bad when it just feels so good to say.