Week One
o   Create New Job Search File
o   Update Résumé and Cover Letter
o   Start Daily Positive Affirmation Journal
o   Choose Job Search Support/Cheer Buddy
o   Tape Small Job Search Timeline Schedule to Wall
o   Search Online Job Boards for Dream Job
o   Send Out a Handful of Applications
o   Update Job Search File
o   Iron ‘Interview’ Suit
o   Make Special "Job Search Reward" Cocktail (Organic Infused Vodka, Fresh Squeezed Juice, Homemade Simple Syrup over a Bartender’s Ice Cube with Hand-zested Lemon Rind Curls)
o   Send Smiley Emoji Text to Job Search Support/Cheer Buddy
o   Receive Text from Job Search Support/Cheer Buddy Recommending ZIF HR Services and Respond With “Don’t Need It!” Along With a String of Super Smiley Emojis

Week Two
o   Check Email and Phone for Responses to Applications and Interview Requests
o   Check Telecommunications Provider Website for Service Disruption Messages
o   Write a Week’s Worth of Positive Affirmations in Journal
o   Search Online Job Boards for Ideal Job
o   Re-tweak Résumé and Cover Letter
o  Send Out More Applications
o   Call “The Exclusive Recruitment Agency” 
o   Update Job Search File
o   Make Special “Job Search Reward” Cocktail (Organic Infused Vodka, Juice, Homemade Simple Syrup over Regular Ice Cubes with a Squeeze of Lemon) 
o   Send Thumbs Up Emoji Text to Job Search Support/Cheer Buddy

Week Three
o   Check Email and Phone for Responses to Applications and Interview Requests
o   Call Telecommunications Provider Customer Support to Confirm No Service Disruptions
o   Underline & Star Positive Affirmations in Journal
o   Dig Out Stress Ball from Desk Drawer
o   Tape a Small Extension Panel to Job Search Timeline Schedule on Office Wall
o   Follow Up with “The Exclusive Recruitment Agency”
o   Call the “Awesomely Average Recruitment Agency” & the “Jobs O’Plenty Recruitment Agency”
o   Insert a “Highlights” Section on Résumé and Cover Letter
o   Search Online Job Boards for Jobs in My Field
o   Send Out Dozens of Applications
o   Update Job Search File
o   Squeeze Stress Ball X 100
o   Put Cold Pack on Wrist
o   Make Special "Job Search Reward" Cocktail (Vodka, Juice, a Splash of Sprite over the Last Ice Cube Left in the Tray Which is Half Formed & Slightly Off Looking) 
o   Send a Multitude of Texts to Job Search Support/Cheer Buddy With Frown-y Face Emojis

Week Four
o   Check Email and Phone for Responses to Applications and Interview Requests
o   Speak to Manager of Telecommunications Provider Customer Support Department and Insist on Another Check to Truly Confirm No Service Disruptions
o   Follow Up with the “Awesomely Average Recruitment Agency” & the “Jobs O’Plenty Recruitment Agency”
o   Call the “Pure Volume Recruitment Agency” and the “Last Gasp Recruitment Agency”
o   Cross Out ‘Positive Affirmation’ and Write in Black Sharpie Pen 'Rant Journal!!!'
o   Completely Re-write Résumé and Cover Letter
o   Search Online Job Boards for Jobs in Related Fields
o   Send Out Reams of Applications
o   Update Job Search File
o   Squeeze Stress Ball with Non-Dominant Hand  X 100
o   Put Cold Pack on Both Wrists
o   Make Special “Job Search Reward” Cocktail (Vodka, a Bunch of Flat Sprite, No Ice) 
o   Send a 153 Texts and Leave 28 Voicemails for Job Search Support/Cheer Buddy with Various Expletive Filled Messages Around the Job Search

Week Five
o   Send Apology Flowers to Former Job Search Support/Cheer Buddy
o   Look for New Job Search Support/Cheer Buddy
o   Check Email and Phone for Responses to Applications and Interview Requests
o   Speak to Director of Telecommunications Provider Customer Support Department and Demand a Complete Service Disruption Check of Entire System
o   Follow Up with “Pure Volume Recruitment Agency” and the “Last Gasp Recruitment Agency”
o   Write 10 Pages in Rant Journal – Use Block Capital Letters and Underline Everything
o   Rip Down Job Search Timeline Schedule on Office Wall and Tear Up into Tiny Pieces
o   Search Online Job Boards for a Job (Any Job)
o   Set Up Automatic Application Bot to Send Unending Stream of Résumés Everywhere
o   Kick Job Search File Across Room
o   Squeeze Stress Ball Constantly
o   Make Emergency Physiotherapy Appointment
o   Make Special “Job Search Reward” Cocktail (Vodka, Dregs of Flat Sprite in a Dirty Beer Stein) 
o   Scream at Caller from Charitable Organization for “Tying Up the Line” & “Getting Hopes Up”

Week Six
o   Send Apology Note and Small Donation to Caller from Charitable Organization
o   Put on Physiotherapist Recommended Wrist Splints
o   Scroll Through Rejection Texts from Potential Job Search Support/Cheer Buddies
o   Check Email and Phone for Responses to Applications and Interview Requests
o   Play Voicemail Message!!!
o   Listen to VP of Telecommunications Provider Say Words like “Banned” and “Discontinuing All Services Immediately”
o   Sign Up With New Telecommunications Provider
o   Use Up All Pages in Current Rant Journal and Start New Rant Journal
o   Make Special “Job Search Reward” Cocktail (Vodka – Straight from the Bottle) 
o   Sob Uncontrollably and Use Previously Ironed ‘Interview’ Suit as Tissue

Week Seven
o   Burn Job Search File, Ripped Bits of Job Search Timeline Schedule, and Rant Journals in Kitchen Sink
o   Make Special “Job Search Reward” Cocktail (Pour Remnants of 8 Different Alcohol Bottles Found in the Liquor Cabinet into a Large Mason Jar and Shake Vigorously) 
o   Snooze on Couch Using ‘Interview’ Suit as a Blanket

Week Eight
o   Continuously Top Up Mason Jar and Lie on Couch in Wrinkled, Tear Stained, ‘Interview’ Suit Watching the Movie “Office Space” on a Loop
o  Scroll Through Old Texts Zooming in on the ZIF HR Recommendation – Send Email With ‘911  Job Search Emergency!!’ as Subject Title and Sit Back in Relief

In a shameless plug for ZIF HR most of the events in weeks 3 through 8 could have been avoided if only this particular jobseeker had contacted ZIF earlier…